Time is not on my side.

All right, here's the situation:

On Tuesday, I found the least-offensive-so-far apartment: 3rd floor of an old house, 4-bedroom to share with 3 other women, 2 bathrooms, all new appliances, relatively nice bright space given its MINUSCULE size (I wouldn't have enough space to spread out a yoga mat on my bedroom floor), great location close to the university and grocery store and cafes and so forth, $600 per month including all utilities. All 3 of the potential flatmates seem as nerdy and adverse to house parties as I am, so that'd not likely become a problem. I basically said "I'll take it," right there, because it was so much better than anything else I'd seen. We agreed to meet again and sign the lease tonight at 7:30.

In the interim, of course, I've had second thoughts about the place. It makes me sad that I'd have so precious little space to myself; I'm afraid I'd feel really cramped. Not even a closet to call my own; I'd have to make do with a big bureau and a freestanding rack for coat hangers - both of which further reduce the floor space, of course. And 3 roommates, only 1 of whom is a fellow graduate student... Certainly no space to have any guests comfortably, and no space to accommodate L. when he visits so we'd have to take a hotel room (even though this can't be a priority in my search, it sure would be nice to find a more private place to live). And a 12-month lease, so if I'm unhappy there I'd have to find a subleaser, which is always a pain. Far from ideal - but still, the best option I'd found... I began telling myself that I'd keep looking, and that this, at least, was my worst-case scenario.

Last night, though, walking at random down a leafy street near the apartment where I'm staying with my friends Betsy and Elena, I saw a guy and girl moving furniture, and a for-rent sign. I asked them about it and they showed me the place: a self-contained bachelor apartment with "kitchenette" and private bathroom on the first floor of an old Victorian mansion, high ceilings and hardwood floors, a front-facing bay window, LOTS of space - you could probably effectively divide the one large room into two smaller ones with furniture placement and screens and such - lots of natural light... for $670 a month! I could afford the extra expense, AND it's a month-to-month lease so I wouldn't be locked in if something were not to my satisfaction. I'd practically agree to take it right this moment, if I could - BUT the landlord is on vacation, and not answering his phone or returning messages, and of course I have only until 7:30 today - when the other apartment is expecting me to sign a lease - to make this decision. ARGH!!

I have 2 more appointments this morning: both of them self-contained bachelor apartments in big old houses on beautiful streets, both of them close to campus, both of them under $700 per month. I really hope one or the other works out, so that I can take it, feel good about it, and move on...

The WORST thing at this stage would be if these new appointments yield nothing promising, and I go ahead and sign for the tiny shared space this evening, and then the landlord with the big bachelor pad calls me TOMORROW MORNING and says it's mine if I want it... Then I'm locked in to a 12-month lease on a place I'm not happy about, and I know that I've missed out on a place that would have pleased me. YUCK. Thinking about this kept me from falling asleep last night, and thoughts of it woke me up this morning. It's at times like this when I wonder if I wouldn't really benefit from anti-anxiety medication of some sort.

If you read this during the day on Thursday, rub a rabbit's foot or something for me.